Today I want to announce that Commonred is starting the incubator to end all incubators. Commonred is happy to report another amazing project in the Vaporware Labs tradition of our forefathers: we’re starting an incubator that will incubate future incubators.
Yes tech world. BOOM. Or should I say BOOM BOOM POW!
Ever heard of an incubator? Ok maybe. But have you ever heard of an ‘incubating incubator’? We will begin accepting applications starting with the comments of this blog post. Here’s how the program will work:
Once accepted we’ll begin by helping founders learn how to be advisors for other companies that they can incubate. It doesn’t matter that they have limited to no real success or even experience – the less the better. We want young technical centric founders (no non-Zuckerberg types need apply) who are really opinionated and able to say no and ‘that sucks’ a lot.
Next we’ll set up weekly meetings for you to meet with all the other incubator founders. You can swap horror stories of startups you’ve turned down or dreams you’ve broken. It will be so awesome. This camaraderie will make everyone strong. Saying ‘no’ only gets easier after each of these dinners.
Another thing we’ll do is pool all the applicant totals together so that so can say that you were able to get ‘hundreds’ or ‘dozens’ of applications because they were part of the larger group. This will give your incubator an advantage in the extremely crowded incubator market that’s only getting worse with what we’re doing.
Our first batch will feature 100-200 incubators, and we’ll ramp from there. This will help us be apart of creating 6000-12,000 startups each year starting in 2012 and make Palo Alto altogether unbearable to work or live in.You thought startups were ‘cool’ before just wait till we’re done.
I know you’re dying to know – how can you get in?
It’s really easy. Just present an incubator idea that is really unique. Own a vertical that’s hot and will leave us chomping at the bit. Here are a few examples of incubators that have already received invites:
Incu-Woof-Woof: This incubator will focus entirely on dog-centric companies. They’re looking for companies like social networks for dogs, dog food distribution, dog naming wizards, online dog privacy, dog barking non-profit.
Sit 2 Sit-Incubator: This incubator will focus entirely on chair-cenric companies. Companies that should apply include: virtual Facebook chairs for games, daily chair deals, death row chair mini-game companies.
Osama-Bator: This incubator will focus entirely on businesses making money from Bin Ladden’s death. Companies that should apply include: Taliban daily deal sites, Al Qaeda photo sharing app, terrorist check-in mobile apps. Also interested in Taliban crowd sourced flash-mob communities.
So get going – the sooner you start incubating your incubator the better. Everyone knows that the longer you bake cookies the better they taste…or something like that. Submit your idea below and lets make all of your incubating dreams come true.